Tony and I took a trip to Hot Springs, Montana this weekend and it was really fun.
The trip was to celebrate this little angel’s birthday:
We stayed at the Symes Hotel. Symes was built in the 1920′s and it has these clawfoot tubs that can be filled with hot water from the springs for which the town is named. The hotel also has two outdoor swimming pools filled with spring water. It was in the 30′s when Tony and I were there, but the spring water was 100+ degrees.
Native Americans thought the waters were healing and the town used to attract thousands of people each year by billing the springs as “restorative.” Doesn’t it all sound sort of idyllic?
Here’s the thing: the water reeks of sulfur. Like, overpoweringly. Also, although the idea of a hotel built in the ’20′s is charming indeed, it turns out that years and years of sulfuric air does nothing for a hotel interior. It all seemed a bit dirty. And when I say “it all seemed a bit dirty,” what I mean is that I found a turd floating in the toilet after we checked into our room. Tony and I actually considered checking out immediately and going home to Missoula.
What a charming clawfoot tub, right? Just ignore the hard water stains and the noose.
Instead we stayed strong and went to the tarot reader, like we had planned.
“You need to be free,” the tarot reader said.
Later we went to an awesome bar with a renovated, regulation-sized shuffleboard table complete with an old, light-up scoreboard (picture). I had never played shuffleboard before but Tony taught me how and it is now my favorite game. I beat Tony!
It was open mic night at the bar and these two guys did a really slow, deep, and poignant cover of Feels Like Rain, which is the best way to sing that song and much, much better than the original.
The next day, we shopped for crystals in the hotel lobby.
And then went to a crowded thrift store where I found a painting that I had to own. Tony wasn’t sold on the ballerinas but I explained that I should get what I want on my birthday. Oh wait, his birthday.
It’s an old paint-by-numbers and you can still see some of the numbers. I love it.
Anyway I guess the moral here is: don’t let a lot of dirt, a little poop, and some disgusting odors deter you. Go out there and make memories! MEOW!
What’s going on with the wall next to the tub? It seems like it doesn’t reach all the way to the ceiling. Is your neighbor’s bathroom over there? So you can bathe/poop/do your suicide pact together but with a little bit of privacy?
The noose is really scary. What could it POSSIBLY be for? It reaaaallllly seems like the last person to stay in your room took one last poop and then hanged themselves. Then the maid cut him down and then you guys checked in. I’m not trying to ruin your vacation, it just seems like that’s probably what happened.
Fortunately (?) that tub was not in a private room but in a long line of semi-private bathtubs along a narrow hallway. Picture a line of bathroom stalls except filled with disgusting tubs rather than toilets. Only one of them had the bonus noose.
Our room only had a half-bath with a toilet and sink. Tony pointed out that it was a good thing we didn’t spring for the more expensive rooms with a tub included because the tubs themselves smelled so much like sulfur even when empty that it would have made our room even more disgusting.
But really, Grace, you’re living in a fantasy world if you think this hotel had maids.
This post and the last one=Fawn Log is the only thing I like on the internet.
Thanks Phil!
Also, happy bday, little angel (Tony).
And 2 more things:
1. Sorry I haven’t made the Scott Disick gifs yet. Someone told me you have to use Photoshop to make really good gifs, so I got discouraged.
2. Your quote about maids reminds me of my favorite Scott Disick quote of all time.
Kourtney: Um, I made out with a girl.
Scott: Did you kiss her or go all the way?
Kourtney: Kiss.
Scott: Did you grab her ass?
Kourtney: What does that mean? Everyone grabs everyone’s ass.
Scott: Everyone grabs everyone’s ass? What kind of world are you living in?
You gotta get on it, Phil! There are more and more awesome Scott Disick gifs on the internet every day!
I think the turd would have driven me away. But good thing you stayed , because the shuffleboard game looks incredibly fun. I never saw anything like it. Now I want to go to that bar. So Montana.
And Phil is right, this blog is winning the internet. Hilarious posts and then the comments are funny from a whole different angle.
Hear hear! Fawn Log wins the internet!
Also, thanks for the birthday wishes Philly.
One thing is, that bassist has eight fingers, and the drummer (not pictured) kept yelling that he couldn’t hear anything while he was playing and would air drum really violently during slow songs that he wasn’t playing on. He looked like he was 80 but maybe he was 60. Best band in Hot Springs? Yes.
Also, I’ve been slinging shuffleboard pucks since I was tiny and Emma STILL beat me. I take this not as evidence that I plateau very early at any game I attempt but rather that Emma is a shuffleboard natural and cannot be beaten. How does she do it with those hooves?
Calling all fawns! Come play shuffleboard and soak in a cesspool with us!