Since I last wrote, I had my last day at work, said goodbye to all my Missoula friends, got engaged to Tony, packed up all of our stuff, drove 26 hours across the country to Missouri, helped my parents move up to Kansas City, and unloaded a bunch of our stuff into their house. There’s still a whole bunch to do (unloading more of our crap being top of the list) but I wanted to stop in for a second to say “hi!” and “I got engaged!”

So, yeah, now I’ve got a boyoncé (or, if you prefer, fiancé). Yay! He’s a really good one.

My ring is from the 1940′s. I love it so much.

Yes, Tony did bring Bud Light Lime rather than champagne to the proposal site. Dude knows what I like. (Also, I really want BLL to sponsor Fawn Log and/or my wedding. How do I make this happen?)

I really like this picture of us and think maybe we could use it for our save the dates or something someday, who knows?

So, yes, we’re happy! We don’t know anything about when or where the wedding will be, so don’t bother asking (but thank you for your interest! I’ll keep you posted!).

Also, I just wanted to say before I stop writing and move more stuff: on the off chance that anyone is reading this and feeling sad that he or she isn’t engaged, please keep in mind that I am 26 years old and living in my parents’ house. My life is definitely not one to emulate. Relationship statuses are so loaded, especially for women, and I never want to be the person who makes anyone feel bad or less than because of who he or she is with or not with at all, ever. In fact, my personal dream is that someday America may be a bit more like Sweden, where you can be in a marriage-less relationship that is still considered legitimate. (Shout-out to Kristina for teaching me the word sambo and many other cool things about Swedish culture!). Until then, I hope that Fawn Log only ever makes you feel (a) happy or (b) confused but never, ever (c) bad. There’s plenty of  internet for that, but this blog ain’t it!

Love you all! I’ll be back soon, hopefully.

Posted in Internet, Ozark Voices, Parents, the best things in life are bud light limes, Writing stuff down | 2 Comments

Goodbye, Missoula

Tony and I are leaving Missoula next week for our hometown of Springfield, Missouri. The word bittersweet always seems a little over the top, but it’s the only adequate way to describe how our move feels to me.

On our first night in Missoula, sleeping on some blankets in the apartment we’d rented via craigslist, we were woken up at 2 am by the creepy sounds of maniacal laughter outside our window. Upon investigation, it turned out to be a couple of twenty-something dudes hanging out in the apartment yard, one of whom was doing wheelies on an old, broken down wheelchair. I remember thinking that Missoula was a horrible place.

The view from our old apartment. Note wheelchair in lower right.

Fortunately, I was completely wrong. Missoula has been an incredible place to live.

I learned how to be an adult in Missoula. A big part of that was my job as a fundraiser with the Wildlife Biology Program at the University of Montana. It was a job that was simultaneously rewarding and frustrating, and it taught me so much about the ways that philanthropy fails and how–sometimes and in spectacular ways– it succeeds.

There were certainly times, over the past three years, that I’ve had fantasies along these lines:

But as my last day gets closer, it turns out that leaving is much more difficult and (there’s the word again) bittersweet.

Another bittersweet aspect is leaving behind our friends. We’ve met so many great people here. I am typically horrible at staying in touch but I’m really, really going to try to stay in touch with my Missoula friends.

This is a really old picture from this post. I used to be so youthful!

You might be wondering why in the heck we’re leaving, then, if we like it here so much. There are roughly 10 bajillion reasons, but the only one that really matters is that we know that our future isn’t here. It feels like there is a next step out there for me and for Tony, and we need to leave Missoula to get there.

For the foreseeable future (i.e. the next few months at least) we’ll be living in my parents’ old house while getting it ready for sale (my parents are moving to Kansas City, MO. Hi mom and dad!). While doing that, I’m going to take a bunch of prerequisite courses in the hopes of applying to graduate school in Public Health-Dietetics. Tony is going to try to find work that uses his skills and education in writing. I think it’s going to be an adventure.

A coworker recently saw this blog for the first time (hi Tara!) and asked me why I wrote it. I fumbled around for an answer and ended up basically making a bunch of incoherent noises. The correct answer, however, is that it helps me process my feelings. I am sure that I will have many, many feelings during this transition, and I am equally sure that I will continue to vent about them here. For those of you who are interested, please stick around and keep reading.

I sometimes think about writing a book someday about...something. Until then, I have Fawn Log. Seen through that lens, this post is the end of a wonderful, challenging, and transformative chapter, but it’s nowhere near the end of the book.

Posted in Ozark Voices | 6 Comments

Color Code Personality Profile

Tony and I took a free online personality test and it was really fun. It’s called the Color Code test, and it assigns your personality one of four colors.

It might seem lame, because surely there are more than four personality types in the world, but it was spooky accurate for me and Tony. Plus, unlike the Myers-Briggs, it only took 5 minutes.

Tony was white. Here’s his description, according to the wikipedia entry about the test.

Whites: The Peacekeepers

Motivated by Peace, Whites will do anything to avoid confrontation. Their only demands from life are the things that make them feel comfortable. That feeling fosters their need to feel good inside.

Whites are kind, considerate, patient and accepting. They are devoid of ego. They are good at constructing thoughts that did not exist before, just from careful listening and taking time to think things through.

Whites don’t commonly share what they are feeling, understanding or seeing. They won’t express conflict. Whites may be unwilling to set goals. They dislike working at someone else’s pace. They can be somewhat self-deprecating.

Devoid of ego?! Tony is like Gandhi or something! (My enormous ego is making me so jealous right now).

I really agree with the part about being good at constructing thoughts that did not exist before. I believe that Tony’s poems and Twitter feed are compelling evidence of that. Also, Tony does not share what he’s feeling unless you drag it out of him.

My color was blue. Here’s what I’m like:

Blues: The Do-gooders

Life is a sequence of commitments for blues. They thrive on relationships and willingly sacrifice personal gain. Blues are highly demanding perfectionists. They can be distrusting and worry prone. They are complex and intuitive and can be very opinionated. Blues can also be emotional and moody. Blues can be self-righteous and insecure and can also be very self-disciplined and sincere.

Blues are steady, ordered and enduring. Blues love with passion. They bring culture and dependency to society and home. They are highly committed and loyal. They are comfortable in creative environments. They strive to be the best they can be.

Blues are the most controlling of the four colors. They can be insecure and judgmental. Lacking trust, they find themselves resentful or unforgiving. They often fail at seeing the positive side of life. They want so badly to be loved and accepted, constantly seeking understanding from others while often refusing to understand and accept themselves.

I really feel like a self-hating blue must have written this wikipedia entry. Why is it so much longer than the white entry and so much more negative? “Self-righteous and insecure”?? Eff you very much.

In all honestly, though, it’s undeniably accurate. I am controlling, needy, and insecure! At least it says I’m sincere? I do hate insincerity with all of my heart.

“Grand. There’s a word I really hate. It’s a phony. I could puke every time I hear it.” –Holden Caulfield

I also appreciate that it says I’m intuitive. I like to think that’s true, even though I’m not sure if it is.

Okay, now it’s your turn! Please take the quiz here and report back in the comments with your result.  (Please? I’m insecure enough as is.)


Posted in Internet, Ozark Voices | 9 Comments