We had a baby!
Gail Matthew Ruzicka/ 5:41 pm September 2nd, 2016/ 7lbs 8oz/ 19″/ the most amazing creature we’ve ever seen
Yesterday was the two week anniversary of her birth, which is unbelievable in every way. Unbelievable that we have a baby, unbelievable that she hasn’t been here forever, unbelievable that it wasn’t just a minute ago that I was still pregnant and totally incapable of imagining life with a newborn.
The strangest thing about these first two weeks has been time. Never before has time moved so quickly or so slowly. When she’s crying and it’s nighttime and we are trying to calm her, five minutes feels like forty-five minutes. When she’s about to wake up and we’re trying to finish dinner, twenty minutes will pass in a second. When Tony is holding her and she’s looking at him and the ceiling fan is on and there’s music playing, I would give absolutely anything to stop time forever because I’m just sure there will never be a moment better than this in all my life.
When she was four days old, we brought her to the pediatrician for her first check-up. After her appointment, I waited with her in the lobby while Tony pulled the car around. There was a woman there who ooed and ahhed over her, wanting to know how old she was. When I told her four days old, she seemed delighted.
“My baby is forty years old now,” she said. “It goes faster than you think.”
I waited until I got to the car to cry. As hard as this phase of little sleep and so many diapers and near-constant feeding is, I never want it to end. Can she please stay this tiny and soft forever?
The first time we took her to the grocery store required as much courage as anything I’ve ever done. Putting her down to sleep at night demands another leap of faith– there is an approximately one in four chance she’ll wake up, and the stakes are higher in the wee hours of the morning.
Thinking about the future, her at four months or four years or forty years, gives me the strangest, most indescribable feeling. It’s impossible joy and infinite sadness all at once, mixed with something like nostalgia for the present moment. What is that feeling? I don’t think there’s a word for it in the English language, or maybe any language. It’s a different kind of love than I’ve ever felt before.
She loves tummy time and going on walks outside and this song:
She hates baths but likes getting her hair washed. She is the sweetest baby and Tony and I can’t believe how lucky we are to have her.